Behind the bride's veil - III

'You don't fancy coffee outside. Right?' He read me.
I kept to the menu card instead, mindlessly flipping pages back and forth. The Cafe Square was something I'd visit plausibly every weekend. But on that day, I had no clue what they served. I dreaded that place and that moment.

'It's either now or never', I prepped myself.
'Look Ram. I want to get this straight. The reason I'm here is because mum and dad think this will work. And I feel obligated to respect their efforts into making this work. We have the highest regard for your parents and that's exactly why I agreed to meet you. But I've got to tell you something, and the sooner I take it off my head, the better it's going to be for you, me, this apparent relationship and ...', I rattled on like a fretful newsreader taking her very first audition.

'Evening. Welcome to The Square, may I take your order?'
Great. Can't the waiter just wait.
'Nothing for me, thank you', I snapped.
'I'm sorry ma'am?'
Ram smiled affably.
'Give us 5 minutes please?' He nodded at the waiter.
'Sure, have a great time sir. Enjoy your evening', he walked away.

'You were saying something', He smiled.
And I lost my chain of thought. My head dropped in unison with my heart and mind. My eyes clouded up with tears and frustration. I couldn't phrase myself, I was in despair. I didn't know where to begin, how to end. 
'I love Aditya', I let go. Tears came trickling down my eyes, breaking free from bondage.
They knew no etiquette or social grace.
'I love Aditya', I repeated, accented in an attempt to make it explicit to him. Those words comforted me.
There was silence.
I was lost in trying to brake my thoughts and tears. But they were unrestrained. They refused to let go of this new found freedom. Freedom to express. Freedom to weep and regret.
I looked up at Ram.
I was confused, he was composed.
I couldn't get my eyes to face him; he didn't take his eyes of me.
He spoke.
'What?', I asked to make sure I heard him right. And I realized I did.
'Do you still love him?' He asked, again.

I was incensed. I wasn't primed for question like that. And this man suddenly assumed the status of a counselor, trying to rid me of my emotional baggage and memories.
However, I couldn't answer him. The events over the last year definitely didn't favour I-still-love-him.
I would be lying if I said yes.
I could never forgive myself if I said otherwise. 2000 miles from my city, I know someone who understands this answer and the gravity of a no for an answer.
I stood up, 'I'm leaving'.

We were driving back in the car. It would've been too dramatic if I chose to go home alone. With family, Tanya and Varun and the new potential additions to family, I didn't want to hyperbole things.
We were quiet in the car. Something told me Ram was sensible enough to call this off after having heard my story.
I was expectant of the NO. 
I'd given that to someone myself, just a few months back.

'Soo... Ahem huh?' Tanya cleared her throat, smirked and mocked all at once. She was gorging on the sweets that were around. Varun stood by her side being an incapable boyfriend of telling his love to check her count on sweets.
'You both were away for like over 4 hours! We all thought you're gonna come back married', she snickered.
'Shut up T, I think I've made it clear to him', I justified.
'I told him about Aditya and the rest. We spoke. I spoke a lot. He knows everything about us now. I must say he was patient though.'
'You think this douche would've dealt it smartly love?', she asked Varun and swallowed the roshogulla.
Varun smiled. 'Awww', he hugged me.
'Still such a douche', she laughed.
'Eat your sweet you daft head. I'll fix you after they leave'.

We were all seated in our drawing room. It snugly accommodated everything and everyone, the people, noise and the food. Both parents bonded well, they'd known each other from before and this relationship was something they definitely cheered.
I sat next to mum, Ram smiled at me. I smiled back, I felt good and light. But I had a parallel running in mind, mum and dad's disappointment. I was prepared to do whatever it takes to call this off.
Every age group had something to talk about and express opinion. Silk sarees, the weather, inflation, the Malaysian Airlines and ... the impending wedding.
Hey, we have 2 people who just went out. We should be asking them if they like each other, it dawned.
His people all turned to him; my people looked at me, and then turned to him.

'Well, Vandhana and I went out to a coffee shop. We spoke. A. Lot. She loves to talk', he smiled.
'Oh tell us something new about this dolt, Ram', Tanya jammed in. Everyone laughed.
I looked at her agape. 'What?', she demanded.
'We have completely different choices and we're very different as individuals. I can live on machine coffee while she detests anything other than Appa-made-filter-kaapi'.
Everyone cracked up and laughed again. I smiled too, knowing it's on the right course. I also liked the way he eased this for me. Mum and dad smiled but the thread of pressure in them was a little evident.
'Our approach to life, people, situations... they're really offbeat. She's met some very interesting people in the past at INSEAD, she was telling me about it. Looks like they've made a profound statement in her life. It's hard to let go of them. I understand'
By now, dad's face grew straight. The smile vanished and he had found out. He looked at me and sighed. 'I knew you'd do this', I felt him think.

'It's always the people you hold close that are so dear yet so far. Life and its journeys, I tell you', He paused.
He looked at me. 
'I'd love to share my journey with her and be a part of hers. Well from my...', he looked at his family.
'...from our side, we're happy to welcome her home', He proclaimed.
The hall was frenzy. It was like India had won an Olympic Medal, an Oscar, the World Cup and a war then.
Everyone was celebrating while I was trounced, battling the situation.
Varun and Tanya looked at me. She walked over to me and whooped, 'Idiot, you lied to us!'
'WHAT IS HAPPENING?', I cried to her.
'Who cares, happiness is happening', she hugged me.
Dad and mum hugged me, I reciprocated none. It hadn't sunk into me and I vetoed to understand.

I looked at Ram but He wasn't looking.
I left the hall to my room. I was emotionless, just a block of dejection and disorientation.
In a while, T called me to see them off. I was still troubled. I couldn't move, she helped me be up. She didn't talk anything. She was too busy happily chatting away with Varun. 

And there He was, Ram, talking to my cousins cheerfully. They loved him.
Seeing me come, the others around dispersed like obedient kids dispersing from the ground after an assembly. They got busy discussing I don't know what.
His mum and dad and the others proceeded to the door. They were leaving.

I walked up to Ram. He saw me. 
He still had the smile on his face. The smile Aditya had when he saw me first at his place. 
'And what makes you think this will work!', I asked angrily.
'The two of us. We make it work', He said.
'Raaaaam, you don't understand. Have you any idea how difficult it is for me to accept another man in my life. I don't get what you're trying to prove...'
'I love you', He asserted. He smiled, like Aditya, and melted into thin air.

Behind the bride's veil - II

'Welcome class, it's wonderful to have you here. Pat yourselves on the back, you've all made it to INSEAD!' and we roared in celebration. It was an insane class. A class with some of the best business brains the world will see. And it had the 5 of us, the youngest in the batch. Jay and Karan from my land, our friend Lee Min from China, and Varsha. In that crowd, we pretty much were kids.

Varsha Kapoor and I connected almost instantly. She was the delight to my very apprehensive grandparents who were worried if I will find a friend that's 'our breed' in a new country. They gave her a virtual kiss on the forehead when we Skyped for the very first time. My very first Skype chat with family. When my people became virtual reality.

'Yayy. Orchard's done. Chic', I smiled and collapsed on Varsha's sofa as I checked Orchard from the exuberant bucket list we'd made. Orchard scored high on my I-must-see-these-right-away priority spots.
On the other hand, there were varied responses too.
'What? Orchard?! The name's repelling enough. We're off to the Science Centre. We'll catch you in the evening at Marina Bay'.

Sadly, understandably though, the boys skipped shopping with us that morning.
'Have you any money left at all?',Varsha's mum joked as I unpacked the bags and showed her the dresses and watches we'd bought. The hall was a pretty sight with shopping bags, bills and wallets strewn around. Well, at least to me it was.

'... and that's precisely why we asked them to reschedule this... Why can't Richardson just wait the weekend? If we don't strike this Larry, I swear ...', He stormed through the door talking on his phone, untying his impeccable tie. He waved at Varsha and looked at me surprised. He stood for a few seconds.

In the black suit, he was a vision.
But the guy on the phone was too impatient. Just my luck.

'...give me a minute for God's sake, I just came home. I'll send it right away!' and he dashed away into his room.

'That's Aditya', Varsha spoke nonchalantly, admiring the new Zara linen. Her peripherals didn't pay heed to him.
But all I saw was him.

Brother. Friend's brother. Such a vision.

I was in the hall packing my bag and all the dearests we shopped that day. We were leaving.
'Ma, I'm going to Larry's place. Tell dad the presentation's tomorrow.' He came out of his room, much more relieved and happy looking. He was in a black USPA tee and khakhi pants.

'Heyyyy, sorry couldn't talk earlier! I'm Aditya... You're Vandhana?', he looked happily surprised.
I froze. 'Hi, oh yes.'
'Aah, Varsha rattles a lot about you. Looks like good fun at school?'
I smiled, 'Ummm... Yah'
'Alright!', he smiled and vanished.
'Please don't go...?', I stood praying to him within me.

'We'll leave? Karan and the others are already there', Varsha spoke as she fished for her phone in her bag and snapped me out of my daze.
'What? They've reached?', I was startled.
'Hahah, yes they have'
'Gosh I'm so excited!' I gleamed.
'Me too! Jay's bought our passes. He'll give it to us at the entrance, that's where they'll meet us'.

'Aditya, guess what? Mike's there tonight', Varsha shouted from the hall.
'Yeah I know, he'd invited me too. But I'm off to Larry's. I've work', He answered from the dining sipping on his coffee.
Varsha sensed I needed some explanation seeing me at seas.
'Oh, Mike too works at ol'man sucks with Aditya!', she said.

A tiny pillow came flying across the room. It whizzed past me and hit her.
'Say that one more time and I'll punch your face you douche', He quipped.
'Yeah yeah. Goldman Sachs whatever. It's all the same', we chuckled.

'Varsha, so what time're you both back?'
'We might get late, and...', and Varsha looked at me.
'Alright, I'll pick you up, let me know'
'Oh how very responsible you're becoming. When have you ever, ever picked me ...', Varsha realized he wasn't looking at her.
'Ahem', she looked at me. I looked at her. And then him. And then her. The blush grew with each glance.
'I see where it's going. Cool then. You can pick her up, and I'll tag along', she laughed.
'Come let's go. Bye', she left.
'Bye', I turned around as Aditya came near the door.
'Take care. I'll see you', he smiled.

Behind the bride's veil

I shook my head, promising to cheer up as I wiped that tiny tear drop wheeling down my cheek.
'Oh Good God, not again!', Tanya yelled as she entered my room. She saw my flushed eyes and she knew.
'I'm alright, all good', I smiled weakly.
'I'm sure you are! Now get up, they're all here. Look your best!'
I wasn't even listening.
'Aaaaand, He's asked for you twice!', she winked with excitement that she couldn't hold longer.

'Is this right?'
'Stop sulking you fool, what if he is Your He?'
'But how can I let go of my past. Of Aditya?'
'You know it just can't work right, be intelligent for God's sake! Think about mum and dad'
'But...'
'Aditya was a mistake then, he is a mistake now'
'So is that all?'

'Help me T, I can't do this', I looked up at Tanya when I couldn't take in more of the monologue, the internal faculties at war. They didn't let me sleep. Now they clouded me and didn't let me think either.
'Shut up new bride!', she beamed. 'I think it's the butterflies in you that's making you this apprehensive. Shoo them away', she suggested like a kid.
'I wish it were that simple', I soughed.

'The Square?', He asked with eyes that struck.
'Anywhere', I turned away and I watched my cousins and family wave at me. Happy excited anxious faces looking at us. 'Bye! Have fun Vandhuuu', they giggled and tapped the window. 'Tell us what happens!'
Tanya and Varun stood watching us, they looked happy.
'You'll do just fine', their eyes reassured me and I felt my answer.
'Take care', I saw mum and dad and the others disappear from my picture, the supposed happy picture my eyes were painting.

The car cruised out and my heart sank. Reality pounded me. 
'What am I doing? I've got to be preposterous! I have someone waiting for me...'
'Uhh Ram, can we...'
'Yes', He spoke. He looked at me in the eye. 
His eyes twinkled. And mine couldn't face them.

I shut my eyes. I needed to think, and convey. Convincingly, strongly, yet gently.
'I need to tell you something Ram', I gathered up.
'Over some coffee?' He smiled charmingly. He knew. He shifted gear and swept me away.